- GV80 is an excellent choice for shoppers in the market now for a luxury SUV at a good price.
- GV90 is far more luxurious and roomy, but you’ll have to wait a very long time for it to be developed.
Greetings, fellow fourth-dimensional beings! I could break this to you easily, perhaps by drawing analogies to popular science fiction media so you at least have a groundwork of understanding. But I only have so much space, and I need to get to my points quickly.
So here it is: I am the same Cameron Rogers you know and love, but due to an unfortunate incident involving an oscillation overthruster, a miniature Einstein-Rosen bridge and a severely burnt batch of Totino’s Pizza Rolls, I was propelled back in time to the year 2020.
I don’t have much news of the future, mostly because I spent it in my lab experimenting with oscillation overthrusters, miniature Einstein-Rosen bridges and batches of Totino’s Pizza Rolls (though notably not trying to combine them). I did, however, possess a Genesis GV90 SUV, though I don’t remember which year I bought it. And since the Genesis GV80 was just released back in your present, I thought I’d review both vehicles, so you can decide whether you should buy the GV80 now, or wait until some non-specific point in the future for the GV90.
Hey, this GV90 looks kind of familiar …
You might look at the picture above and think this very thing. That’s because I asked our photo guy to mock up an image of the GV90 based on my recollection (my phone, which had numerous professional-quality images of my GV90, was damaged by the crossfire of exploding cheese from the microwavable snacks).
The GV90 essentially looks like a larger version of the GV80, in the same way that the GV70 looks like a smaller version of the GV80. But while the GV90’s exterior is much the same — save for the extended wheelbase — the cabin is anything but. It’s far more upscale than the interior of its budget-friendly sibling, with details that include aluminum switchgear, Ultra Eco-Suede upholstery and a full digital windshield. A lidar array, V2X communication and dual quantum-phase cameras allow the GV90 to drive itself. Even with adaptive cruise control and lane-centering features, the non-autonomous GV80 feels positively barbaric in comparison.
GV80’s twin-turbo V6 has nothing on the GV90’s caniusomnium/hydroplosion reactor
Today’s GV80 offers your choice of turbocharged four- and six-cylinder engines, both of which are powerful and get the big SUV up to speed, but they both run on gasoline! Which is a common fuel in 2020, of course, but will quickly be outdated by the near future’s primary reactives — a combination of the Earth’s most abundant resource and its most common renewable form of energy. I’m talking, of course, about saltwater and puppy dog dreams.
Don’t ask me how it works, but the GV90’s caniusomnium/hydroplosion reactor converts those two energy sources into the electric power that motivates the big SUV. It has eye-popping performance numbers, to be sure: 0-60 mph comes in just 3 seconds, while carbon-carbon brakes and Pirelli P Zero Whisper tires slow it down quickly without so much as a peep. In terms of efficiency, the GV90 can cover a whopping 30 miles per dream-hour-liter. It’s the clear winner here.
The Genesis GV90 is far more luxurious and efficient than its smaller sibling, but it won’t be ready for years. I’m afraid the caniusomnium/hydroplosion reactor in particular is outside the realm of your currently understood technology. The Genesis GV80 is thus the perfect SUV for buyers who don’t want to wait until scientists figure out how to harvest saltwater and puppy dog dreams.